raise your glass
we have incorporated
place your bets
we're all so sick of waiting
queen takes jack
a lucky guess could land you in the sack
so pick a number

to all the ones who tried the most was i supposed to cheer your efforts
sorry that i chose so poorly
golly gee am i the poster girl

lift your hats
off to the checkout girls with tattooed backs
theyd make an angels skin crawl
if you ask them for assistance
theres an even chance
they'll call your number

she's the kind of girl who looks for love in all the lonely places
the kind who comes to poker with her pockets stuffed with aces
she's the kind of girl who only asks you over when its raining
just to make you lie there catching water dripping from the ceiling
(interlude)
to all the girls at pearl the surly boys who get to masturbate them
i've a prize for each and every one of you so just be patient
to all the ones that hated me the most a toast
you really had me going for a second i was nervous boy am i the poster girl

so raise the stakes
im very confident in my mistakes
ive made so many of them
all it takes is mere suggestion and my poor heart breaks
im such a baby

shes the kind of girl who gets her slings and arrows from the artschool dumpster
the kind who tells you shes bipolar just to make you trust her
shes the kind of girl who leaves out condoms on the bedroom dresser
just to make you jealous of the men she fucked befor you met her
to all the ones who thought they knew me best a test to prove your prowess
who was mine in '99 i want last names and current status
to all the ones who hated me the most a toast you really had me going for second i was
nervous boy am i the poster girl for some suburban sickness better keep a healthy distance
now its up to you know what to do its pretty
dirty business